I started going to a Bible Study group today at a friends church. It's a Beth Moore study about the book of James, and I have to say, I'm really excited! I've done one other Beth Moore study before and sometimes I was able to catch her on TV when I was at my moms (since we don't have cable) and I think she is just amazing. And her hair! I need hair like that;not one strand out of place.
Part of the study is memorizing the entire book of James, and I'm not too sure that's going to happen... I know, it's only 5 chapters, but that is 108 verses and 2,304 words in just 5 weeks. Yes, I looked it up. Not everyone is doing the memorization, I think I'll just start, and see how far I can actually get. I'll see how things go...
I've been thinking a lot about my spiritual life lately and I've realized a few things. I'm at a very difficult place(for me) at the moment that is going to take some work and effort on my part. You see, I don't have any "big" issues in my life. I'm not a drug addict, I'm not having an affair or battling some huge obvious thing that is separating me from God. But, I do have some stuff. The kind of stuff that is so seemingly small, that it's been ignored for years while I dealt with more "important" things in life. The kind of things that can be looked over because I'm human and God is a god of grace, and we all have flaws, right??? Well, it's time to deal with those things. It's time to say, "ok God, this is going to suck, and be painful but do what you gotta do because I want to TRULY live my life for you". And that means being uncomfortable. That means that I have let go of my pride and criticisms and trust that at the end of this season I'll be stronger in Him.
I really should have seen this coming, but somehow, it took me by surprise. I've complained of being in a spiritual dry spell for so long, but I've also been walking in my own strength, which I'm now seeing is insufficient. It's funny. I was raised in the church, I like to think I have all the answers, I KNOW who my Savior is. But this was staring me right in the face and I missed it. Why? Because it's HARD! I don't want to change! I like being comfortable! I don't want to have to share Jesus with the grocery store clerk one day because I feel like Gods telling me to. I am never going to see the fullness of what God has for me and my children, until I allow Him to work in all the areas of my life, not just the bits and pieces.
I have to tell you, putting this out in blog-land is way out of my comfort zone. I don't even know if anyone even reads what I blog anyways (other than Jaclyn lol), but I'm doing it. Maybe it'll encourage someone to get a little deeper with God, cause I know I have to.
Yes, I'm reading! hehe! But, it is encouraging...maybe I should get out of my comfort zone :)
ReplyDeleteWell, friend, I've been reading here and there...I enjoy it and this speaks to me...I'm there too. But I think I may need more than a little work to get out of my dry spell.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad! Yeah, like I said, it's so hard for me. But, I'm getting there little by little. Just telling God that I was at that place was a huge step for me and has really allowed Him to work in me these last few weeks. I've come to realize that all that's stopping me, is me and that's hard to admit.
ReplyDeleteSo your mom and my mom and I were all laughing hysterically at "I get it now" (Hubs didn't think it was quite as funny as we did- that obvious male/female difference). But I stopped to read a few more.. I love what you said. I think it's every "churched" kids struggle. You grow up not feeling like you have a "crazy" testimony to share with others. People will share "oh I was a drug addict and my life changed miraculously because of Jesus." You almost feel like how do I compete with that? Oh I was a Christian at 4, and I loved Jesus until I got married. I stole a piece of candy once and put it in my underwear. But I took it back??? Please hire me for your next youth conference! Lol.
ReplyDeleteI felt like God was using me at a high school ministry to talk to "those" kids. Just because you haven't made terrible mistakes, doesn't mean you can't share how incredible God's love is... And you're life is blessed because of the decisions your parents made! So walk in that. Maybe that's your ministry too. Maybe you can't relate to an addict, but there is a whole world of kids that just need God's love Proud of you for your humility. I think you and I have a lot of similar "struggles" in our walks.
Miss you. Love you! -Mads